The best birthday card ever...

Many thanks to all of you who have wished me a Happy Birthday. I love you guys, miss you, wish I could visit and spend time with so many of you. I don't have enough words to express all my thanks. Of the many messages that came today, this one really warmed my heart. I share it with permission...

Happy Birthday Jack! I hope you have a great day today! To think that I met you 3 years ago, well in a few days that is. During conference when they were talking about the welfare program I was thinking of all the help I have had over the last few years with all of my struggles and I kept thinking about you. I don't know if I ever told you how much that you helped me through some really bad times in my life. I was having such a hard time making it from day to day a few years ago and your friendship showed up when I was in the darkest times. I know that my Heavenly Father sent you to me as an answer to my many prayers. You will never be able to fully understand how bad I needed your help at that time of my life. I also think of Christmas. I don't know if I ever told you but I was in tears on Christmas morning just over whelmed at being alone with 5 children for the second Christmas in a row. The second I started to cry was when I got a text from you that you had left something on the door step. It came at the exact moment that yet again I was having a hard time. I will never forget this as long as I live. I look at the sign on my wall and think about not how bad my life was at that moment but how when things got dark and then there was someone there to lighten my load. I have told people about this I don't mention your name but I know how much my Heavenly Father loves me cause he sent you to me. Your friendship means the world to me I just thought during conference that I have always thought this but I should tell you. I have told people around of a friend that helped me when I needed it and was an answer to my prayers.
I know that my Heavenly Father sent you to me but I don't think I have ever told you. Life is so hard but when we have friends to stand by our side it makes this life a lot easier! I am so grateful for you and all you have done for me. You are so kind and giving. I pray that someone can answer your prayers the way you answered mine. I wish you all the best Jack and hope life is going well for you.

Your friend, Trina

"Rings and jewels and flowers are not gifts, but rather, excuses for gifts. The only true gift...is a portion of thyself."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Best!

Happy 41st!

So, I'm turning 41 tomorrow! Anybody who knows me, knows that my greatest desire is to be a devoted and faithful husband, and a good and righteous father. Inexplicably, my "best laid plans"--so to speak--always seem to get caught up in committee, suffocated with red tape, subject to budget cuts, hung up with licensing delays, turned down for building code violations, etc. You name it, I've heard it. I've had to go back to the drawing board time, and time, and time again. For anybody--particularly in LDS culture--who has experienced dating frustration...I hope this gives you a chuckle! Sometimes, it seems like everybody you meet seems to have a solution to your "singleness." Often, advice comes from those who see you once-a-year (if that), don't know you from Adam, engage in conversation with you for 17 seconds, and suddenly get struck with "inspiration"?

Here's a sampling of dating and marriage advice I've received over the years from old and young alike, bishops, friends, family members, cousins I didn't know I had, neighbors, strangers, clients, co-workers, counselors, siblings...it's all here! I don't begrudge anybody's advice or encouragement, and try to take it all in good fun. I weigh the advice, and try some of it out. I know it's all well-intentioned. But it can get confusing! You'll see what I mean! Some are funny, some are asinine, some are profound, some are cliche, but I've had every one of these said...out loud...to my face. Tell me all the confusing advice doesn't leave your head spinning too! Here goes:

"Just pick one Jack. They're like fruit! No big diff."

"Well, have you asked anybody to marry you?"

"You just need to make it a matter of fasting and prayer."

"I could see you with a nice pre-made family."

"Why don't you just date the girls in the ward?"

"I have a girl...she's let herself go, she's pretty bitter, she moved to Vegas and has kind of dropped off the deep-end, and she's a fiery redhead...but I just think you two might..." (Editor's thoughts: "Might what? Kill each other?")

"I'm not telling you to sell-out, but...how should I say this...you should sell out."

"Don't ever, ever, ever give up. Don't ever sell-out!"

"Oh Jack, you'll find her. Or she'll find you."

"Well, what are you doing wrong?"

"Run like hell."

"If you wait and you marry the RIGHT girl, you'll be glad you waited. If you wait and you marry the WRONG girl, you'll definitely be glad you waited."

"You're just too picky."

"You get too caught up in looks. You just need to let that go."

"When you stop looking, and stop trying, THAT's when it'll happen."

"You have to want to mate with your mate."

"When you wake up in the morning and rollover, you have to want to feel like you're the luckiest person in the world!"

"Look for someone who makes you want to be better."

"Marry up!"

"Every 'no' is one step closer to a 'yes'."

"You're old."

"You're not old."

"You're just a young pup."

"When it happens, you don't feel like you're late. It feels like you're right on time."

"One day, you'll walk in a room, you'll see her, and you'll just know."

"I have a strong feeling...she's right around the corner." (Editor's thoughts: "That's probably true. But doesn't this feel pretty much like a maze?")

"She's coming Jack. Do you like brunettes?"

"Become the right person, and you'll find the right person."

"You haven't lost Plan A. There is only Plan A. The Lord knows what's going on and has made ample provision."

"If you ask God for bread, he does not give a stone."

"Ether 9:24 dude. Ether 9:24."

"How's your scripture study? Prayer? Fasting? Temple attendance? Are you paying your tithing?"

"Some nice guys do finish first. Don't ever change into a jerk."

"Your discipleship and devotion will be rewarded."

"But, you seem so normal!"

"So, what's the problem, are you gay?"

"Interview these girls."

"Give her an ultimatum."

"Don't give out ultimatums...EVER!"

"Pitch this: tell them that, if after three dates..." (Editor's thoughts: "Yah, my thoughts pretty much trailed off after that.")

"You have to climb to the top of the tree to get the best fruit."

"The thickest flack comes when you're right over the target."

"Give it time."

"Be nice, but be ice."

"You need to just not care."

"Go for it!"

"You have to jump in with both feet!"

"Let her know how you feel!"

"Don't tell her what you feel, it'll scare her off."

"Play it cool."

"No, no, no...don't EVER play it cool!"

"Girls want guys to ask them out!"

"You have to get to know them before you ask them out."

"Don't hang out. Ask out."

"These girls would like you to ask them out."

"The man initiates in these matters."

"You've got to be where they are. You just show up at places they're at."

"Don't just pop-in, they'll think you're a stalker."

"If you're the right guy, every girl likes to be stalked."

"When you ask out a young lady, make sure it's planned, paid for, and paired-off."

"Don't speak your heart too soon."

"Don't wear your heart on your sleeve."

"You've got to wear your heart on your sleeve and put yourself out there!"

"At first, I couldn't stand my future husband, but then--over time--I fell in love with him! So, keep trying!"

"It's just a numbers game."

"Pick someone from your worthy friends, and just go for it."

"As you seek for an eternal companion, seek for someone who has the virtues that are required that you might have your marriage sealed in a temple of the Lord."

"Where is a virtuous woman, for her price is above rubies."

"I would have never guessed you're 40! You look so young!"

"Date someone your age!"

"Age doesn't matter."

"Everybody keeps asking where have all the good men gone. Well, I wonder where have all the good women gone?"

"Girls don't care about that kind of stuff."

"Tell her you don't want to be her 'emotional pit-stop' anymore."

"You will NEVER find a girl in her 20's who isn't divorced willing to marry you."

"I'd do you." (Editor's thoughts: "Uh, thanks? Awkward!!!!! Wait, really? Awkward!!!!")

"Get rich so you can marry a younger girl!"

"You just need to move out of Utah."

"She's not interested, and if you push it, you'll be seen as a creeper."

"Keep asking her out, she'll see what an amazing guy you are."

"But you guys just seem so perfect on paper!"

"She's over 30...and so are you!" (Editor's thoughts: "That's the only consideration you've given to this setup? Well, at least she's female AND has a pulse too.")

"That's her only concern? That you're 40? Well, she's not worth it then anyway."

"Just tell her that you're immortal. And so is she. Neaner-neaner."

"Do you, or do you not believe in eternal marriage? More importantly, does she--or does she NOT--believe in ETERNAL marriage? If she does, then what does age have to do with anything?"

"Tell her to forget the resume! Is she in it for love, or money?"

"The right girl will be able to see YOU. And you won't be able to keep her away."

"She should be your gold medal. And you will be hers."

"For any girl in her right mind, you are a spectacular catch."

"If I had a daughter, I would be honored to have her marry you."

"You don't have to be perfect. Trust me, you'll BOTH have weaknesses a plenty."

"You don't need 'a dash of differences'--you're a man, she's a woman. You've got plenty right there."

"I know a couple who have made it work DESPITE her and her family being die-hard Ute fans, and he and his family being die-hard Cougar fans!" (Editor's note: "Really...the rivalry goes THAT deep?")

"Why can't you seem to make any of these work?"

"So, what's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with these girls?"

"You need to get moving on this!"

"Make it your focus."

"Go to the singles ward."

"Don't go to the singles ward."

"What is SO hard about just asking somebody out? I'm sure they'd love to go out with you! Why wouldn't they?"

"Jack--you're 40."

"Allow me to speak for every girl out there." (Editor's thoughts: "Really? You can DO that? Wow!")

"Just be direct."

"You need to be really creative!"

"I don't imagine any girl would respond to an invitation like that."

"Girls want you to stand out and be creative. Otherwise, you're just another one of the guys."

"Well, you've certainly covered all the bases."

"What have you got to lose?"

"Reach for the stars!"

"It'll happen one of these days."

"Your soul will recognize your beloved."

"One day, she's just going to pop into your life."

"You've got to play the game."

"No! Don't play games. Girls HATE IT when guys play games."

"You have to play hard to get."

"Don't play hard to get. Girls HATE THAT!"

"Just ask her if there's any possibility she would like to date you."

"Don't ASK HER if she'd like to date you. That's wussy. Just assume."

"Be confident, but not cocky."

"Some girls like cocky."

"Play by the rules, but follow your impressions."

"There are no rules!"

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket. That always scares them off."

"If you want her to take you seriously, you have to put all your eggs in one basket. She's got to know that she's the only one for you."

"You're a great catch."

"You've got a lot to offer!"

"Just have faith."

"Faith. Time. And determination!"

"Don't EVER tell her about your true feelings. She'll run for the hills with her hair on fire!"

"How can you ever expect to be truly loved, if you don't allow yourself to be truly KNOWN?"

"Find your soul mate. I found mine."

"There's no such thing as a soul mate. There's no ONE girl out there."

"You've got to pull 'the takeaway' and act like you don't give a ^%$@# and they always come around."

"Treat 'em like you don't care about them, and they're like putty in your hands. It's really weird."

"Any girl worth her salt won't be interested in games."

"You've just got to find one who's ready."

"You only look 30...doesn't that help?"

"It's not you Jack. You just haven't found the right girl at the right time."

Well, I guess that just about sums it up! Happy 41st! Thanks for the video boss!

Angels.

We all get "touched by angels." Here are some of mine:



This angel tried to call me twice today, to invite me over for Sunday dinner, but I missed her calls. So, Abigail, "I'm so sorry I wasn't able to come over tonight. I promise I'll come by and visit you this week OK?"



She LOVES these:



These two angel sisters are like "joy juice." It's really, really good for you!



And this little guy will melt your heart:



Hey Abigail...remember this picture? I love you. How much? Thiiisssss much!

"Adulation is poison."

Fame is not something I would EVER seek. Adoration, adulation, and a sort of de facto worship from the masses is such a double-edged sword. With an increase of awareness comes the inevitable examination under the microscope of the masses whose judgment is equally ignorant in praise or condemnation. Metaphorically blind and deaf in heaping on praise and adulation, yet equally hypervigilant in finding fault and leveling judgment: the masses are oh so fickle.

There's not a one of us whose life wouldn't show ample evidence of our goodness, of the care and compassion and empathy we feel for others, the burdens we try to lift--or share, and the sacrifice we give to so many. We are all good.

On the flip side, there's not a one of us whose life wouldn't also show ample evidence of personal weakness or private struggle, vice of one sort or another, ill-will to those who have wronged us, or a brittle sort of apathy toward the suffering of others. So, we are also all bad. Flawed. Imperfect.

It's hard for me to not "read the papers," so to speak, when people speak good or bad about me. I guess it comes down to knowing who I am, whose opinions actually matter, and whose opinions are accurate. I was working on a personal project awhile back, and wondered how my solicitations for help might have been perceived. I wondered and worried if some might have judged my motives wrongly. All I could say was, "Anybody who knows me, knows ME." In one way or another, I think that's true for each of us.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

I hope people think well of me. But I don't need adulation. And I don't want condemnation. Let's just be friends.

To the 2011 BYU Cougars: Thank You!

This year has been an amazing year for the BYU men's basketball team. Ups and downs, uncertainties, disappointments, adjustments, injuries, and pretty much all a team can go through...you name it, they've pretty much gone through it. Revelations of Coach Dave Rose's battle with pancreatic cancer, season-ending injuries, difficult mid- and late-season adjustments, tough decisions involving character, integrity, and honor...it's a pretty big set of hurdles and obstacles to overcome. And yet, these BYU Cougars have had a once-in-a-generation season. It's been quite a ride! I love this VIDEO. It gave me chills.

Jimmer Fredette has been spectacular. I've never seen any player like him. Ever. He is mentally tough, and is relentless. I love gameday! Known in CougarTown as "Jimmer-time." How does one guy have his own time zone? Jimmer is truly "Amazing!". But it's not just watching Jimmer that has made this a magical year. The 2011 BYU Cougars have been awesome!

I just want to publicly say "Thank You!" to all of the Cougars. Jackson Emery has been the most intense and fierce competitor I've ever seen. Every game, every possession, every loose ball, every drive, every pass...Jackson's in the middle of it all. Huge heart. Same for Noah Hartsock (NOT Hart-stock people). He's tough, all about TEAM, and has done everything asked of him and more. Of all the players who have had to made adjustments, it seems like he's had to shoulder the most. Kyle Collinsworth, Charles Abouo, Brandon Davies...they've all been HUGE contributors! We wouldn't be here without them. Logan Magnusson, Stephen Rogers, James Anderson, Brock Zylstra, Nick Martineau. Man, for the defense, the big shots, the big games, the quality minutes, the energy, the huge blocks, taking charges, and playing TEAM basketball, "Thank You!" To Anson Winder, Matt Carlino, and Chris Collinsworth...the dedication, the travel, the patience, the rehab, the practices, the cheering and constant team support...you're all part of it. To the coaches, staff, administrators, and everybody who takes part in the planning and preparation, the caring, the "life"-coaching, the time, and the dedication..."Thank You!"

From what I've seen, you are the BEST BYU Men's Basketball Team in history. And you've still got evidence to present! So, no matter where I have to get off the ride this season, I just wanted to say it's been worth the price of admission, and truly inspiring. So, again: "Thank You" Cougars...I've enjoyed the ride. Go BYU!

Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?

I believe in God. I believe He knows me. I believe I can receive personal guidance from Him. Part of my journey out of my rut is to pay attention to the voice of the Spirit. Today we were studying some of the parables that Jesus taught, and when I read Matthew 13:9, "Who hath ears to hear, let him hear," it reminded me of some thoughts I had a few years ago. For me, I think of a dog whistle! Seriously. Just like how "the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him," (1 Corinthians 2:14) so too, only dogs can hear a dog whistle. And there are a number of factors that contribute to how well the dogs can hear when they are being called.

Proximity is an important one. For me, that means I have to do my best to stay close to God. In thoughts, words, and deeds. "For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?" (Mosiah 5:13). I have to be close enough to hear, and hear clearly.

Being attuned is important. Listening on the right channel, so to speak. For me, that requires daily meditation and prayer, a study of the scriptures, the words of the living prophets, and other choice books.

Lastly, I think it requires fine-tuning and obedience. When we're called, if we'll stop and heed what we hear, we can be guided.

I think James E. Faust explains it better than I can:

Ruts...

Someone once said "A rut is nothing more than a grave with the ends kicked out." About five years ago, mine started. While I LOVED selling cars in the completely honest, fair, forthright, and stress-free atmosphere of Saturn, I was in a "golden handcuffs" sort of situation. I had to be there to make money. If someone came in while I was on my day off, it was like taking hundreds of dollars out of my pocket. At first, I began to resent the time I had to spend there. But, strangely, after awhile, I began to resent the time I was away from work. For years, I had made a really good living at Saturn, but from 2006-2008 things really started to take off! 2007-2008 were awesome years...financially. But I was pretty much living at Saturn. I didn't know what to do with myself away from work. My mind was on my next deal, my next financial goal, my next purchase, my next trip (which I also resented in the whole "I've got to get away from this place" but "I don't want to miss out on the potential income while I'm gone" dynamic). I loved helping people out, and I was good at selling. But there was no more real challenge to it. And these words started to ring true: "When you find you can do something with your eyes closed, maybe it's time to find something else to do." Beyond my blase sort of professional boredom, I had no time for consistent dating. No extra energy for fun. After awhile, time away wasn't re-energizing me, re-charging my batteries, or kicking my ambition-meter into the red! And don't get me started on having to work every Saturday pretty much from "opening kickoff" to "the final gun."

"All work and no play had made Jack a dull boy." I'm in a rut. Still. For other reasons. But it's high-time I kick the top off my coffin, and get about living again. I used to have the cheesy nickname of "Happy Jack." But, I liked that guy. A lot! I miss him. This spring and summer, I'm going to have more fun. I have a great, fun, and challenging new career, a new outlook, and Saturdays off...and I'm going to get my smile back! Honestly, I don't even know where to start...after absorbing some really hard punches, I've been off-balance and on my heels for far too long. And I'm just starting to clear out the cobwebs and see straight again. It's a new day. A new season. A new chapter. And so it begins...